Ils ne passeront pas-s words

Passwords are a fucking nightmare. Everything about them is unbeautiful, not least the fact that they are totally un-fucking-necessary. Why, when I want to buy a bag of budgie seed online do I need to create and remember a password (along, of course, with details of my age, sexual orientation and inside-leg measurement)?

And just look at their instructions: it must be more than x but less than y letters in length; it must contains at least one capital letter; and - the noirest of my bȇtes - it must (or must not) contain characters like !@£$%^&*. They make this demand and then they monitor your effort, condescendingly telling you your choice is weak, moderate or, grudgingly, adequate. Then, just when the budgie seed seems to be within your grasp at last, they ask you to create and answer two questions that give hints to your password if you should lose or forget it. Let's say your password is T6raVolt&6. What two questions would bring that to mind? Exactly.

And, to tear the last shred from your disintegrating morale, come the exhortations that you should [a] never use the same password for different sites; [b] change your password regularly; [c] never write your passwords down. So, if like me, your needs go beyond an occasional pack of red millet, you could, in theory, have 20-30 passwords, ALL DIFFERENT, not written down anywhere, and in any case destined to be replaced every few months, capitals, hieroglyphs and all. Well, fuk&-th6t for a g§me 0v solDieRz!